I’m Average

I'm average.

That's what I defeatedly admitted to myself yesterday.

Face planted on my desk, tears rolling down my cheeks, in the middle of a session with my coach:

I'm average.

Crushed, exhausted, but now ... I was finally free.

Here's some context.

My whole life, for 30 years, I identified as an Achiever.

I saw myself (and still do) as a winner, even a star.

I need to be the best coach.

I need to be the best consultant.

I need to be the best sibling.

I even need to be the best at charades. 😁

I simply need to win ... because if I'm not successful, then who am I?

Deep down, I know what I'm chasing:

Pride, Power, Status, Achievement, Fame.

And that's great, but the thing is, this puts so much pressure on me.

I need to perform.

I need to win.

I need to make millions.

So. Much. F***ing. Pressure.

All the time.

And lately, I've been really feeling that pressure.

Working late nights, on week-ends, taking no breaks.

Because breaks are for losers, right?

Again, that was my perspective...

And whenever I do take a break, I feel a ball of guilt in my stomach.

Then there's a constant nagging voice in my head, just judging me:

'You're wasting time'

'There's so much work and you're sitting watching TV'

No work, no self-respect. 😔

That's how I saw it.

And it didn't just affect me. I also judged others.

'Average people don't deserve the same level of respect as achievers'.

It's embarassing to say this, but that's the point.

That's the story I told myself.

That was my reality, my world view.

For 30 years!

So having overworked myself in the last few weeks to the point of exhaustion, I decided to bring this topic to a coaching session.

I wanted to explore this feeling of guilt and self-judgement.

And 30 mins in, after resisting for so long, I could finally admit to myself: I'm also average.

At first, my tears were those of sadness, of disappointment.

It was like, is this the real me?

But a few minutes later, I started laughing, while still crying at the same time (you know that awkward face with a million emotions?).

I laughed because I realized the Achiever in me is still here - he's not going anywhere.

But actually, I just met a new side of me - the Average side.

And my big learning? my "Aha!" moment?

That there's a place for both sides, not just one or the other.

Like the Yin and Yang, I need both.

I am both.

I can't be the 'Achiever' all the time.

Sometimes, I need to allow myself to just be 'Average'.

I can enjoy the ride.

I can take my time.

I can suck sometimes.

And that's ok.

Today, as I'm letting go of my own self-judgement, I also notice I'm less judgy of others.

And if I can be both an Achiever and Average, what's possible then?

I wanted to share this story as I feel I'm not alone in this.

So if you relate, and feel the constant self-judgement and self-imposed pressure draining you, reach out, and let's chat!

PS. Here's a photo of me this morning, taking a stroll in the shoes of Average Majid. 😄